THIS IS AN SEO PAGE
Platapode is not a platypus that wears shoes. He walks barefoot.
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He thinks the big sneaker brands are cool. He’s on and off about chunky runners. He loves thongs, and he’d happily accept an online copy.
They don’t fit him. No shoe shop sells his size. Not in store. Not online.
Adult sizes: way too big. I’m a big boy, fluffy like an ugg boot. Kids’ sizes: still too big. What are they, ants?
Plotti knows his perfect shoe size. He’s done the maths. Roughly three sizes smaller than the smallest baby shoe. About a -3 AU, and between -2.5 and -3 UK. He knows the exact measurements of the shoe box they would fit in. 9 × 7 × 4 cm. About two decks of cards, stacked.
He often dreams about them. Flip-flop, flip-flop, comes Prince Plotti, all charming in his waterproof cork sandals.
Nobody makes flippers in a -3.
Duck walks past in his brand new slip-ons. “Hope your feet find their balance in those sneaker-type platform flat-feet beige and black checkered streetwear old skool with leather trim, no-shoelace things on your feet.”
“LOSER.”
“I bet they don’t even fit.”
He quickly jumps back into his pond, his safe space, and searches Google:
how to get -3 size shoes in a 9x7x4 box, delivered to swamp 12 / Plotti’s territory, park west, online now, same day, that offers refunds if it’s not the right fit
Pictured: Plotti’s search history, recovered from the pond at 2:14am.
He’s still looking.
Platapode is a Google Ads specialist, not a shoe shop. He has checked.
